04 March 2010


With some motivation from Diane, I've begun--well attempted to begin a "raw-til-dinner" diet. How's it going? It's going. It's so much harder than I thought.
Not only am I trying to eat raw, I'm trying to take on a "raw" perspective on life. I don't really feel like getting into too much detail right now (mainly because I really wanna continue reading- Shutter Island) but maybe I will later. Main point is, I need to stay true to myself...completely.
Onto what's most exciting in my life right now: SHUTTER ISLAND. I am so in love with this book. I really wish I had more time to read. And I'm dying because I don't have a bedside lamp in my room at my parent's house so I can't really read in bed like I love doing. I guess I could stop being a lump and move the lamp on my armoire but yuck, thinking about all those chords makes me sick.
All for now.

26 February 2010

Too little, too much? HELP

What an eventful day. In a nutshell, today was the day Noelle, my older sister, was supposed to make settlement on her first home (!!). It didn't happen. Mortgage companies suck and I feel so bad for the poor stressed out girl. She had to completely SWITCH companies and now has to wait another week + a few days to finally move in. Her and her fiance will be staying at my parents for the time being. Again, I FEEL SO BAD.
Anyway, all upset put aside, I had work from 3-9pm tonight with Deed. Aaaaaand she told me that I wasn't eating enough. Um, whaaat? Then how does one explain the unnecessary extra baggage I've been lugging around?! She did explain it to me, but her talk is waaaay outta my league! Girl's gonna make a great nutritionist one day!
I ate cheese fries tonight. I know, shoot me in the head. I gotta stop being a fatass OR I gotta stop complaining about being one. Hey, atleast I was under my cal count for the day AND I'm doing cardio for 7 hours tomorrow after work (that's a joke).
Not too much going on, otherwise. I think I'll start Shutter Island tonight. I'm in the middle of reading ....

Vicky, Tom's mom, got this book for me for Christmas. One of the gifts I was most excited about!! I absolutely LOVE everything about Little Women.

This book is hilarious. It's comparable to Possible Side Effects by Augusten Burroughs (one of my absolute faves). It's a compilation of short stories, which lets me pick it up and put it down when I want, which I looooove.

I got this one in a bookstore in New Hope, a very cute and quaint town about an hour away and haven't been able to get too into it. I like it but I think I just need to start over.


She's awesome. My Sister's Keeper is one of my other favorites. I shoulda been able to get through this in a few days but I started in the middle of some extreme school work and haven't gotten around to finishing it up :(

I love books. A LOT. And even though you'd think the opposite, I don't like reading more than one at once. I like to really digest what I'm reading and I don't want to run the risk of confusing and meshing the books together. But hey, I'm doing it.

23 February 2010

What I Want

Just a few things I've been lusting after recently.

anthro. never ceases to amaze me

this dress is from a website called ruche. i love this, i think its so fun and cheap...$30 bucks!

Coach Peyton leather large wristlet

Coach Madison large leather hippie

oh and one more thing

I love this thing with all of me. Best news yet?! It's only $3,250 dollars!!!! So in my price range. HA!

If only I had money...



22 February 2010


Someone help me get a pretty layout? I just tried on my own and it wasn't pretty. Well, it was but I would like if I could change the margins and all that jazz. Anyone?!

21 February 2010

my story-finally!

Once upon a time, I was semi happy with the way I looked- the way pictures turned out, the way clothes felt, the way others saw me. That was all okay. Now, it's a whole other story. Let's begin...

once a chubster, always a chubster. Fat babies make the cutest ones though! ;)
I never EVER had any problems with being chubby when I was younger. I was full of energy and always running around outside. I was too active to even be bothered.

I started playing lacrosse for the school team in 7th grade. I'm in here somewhere.

As much as I complained...I loved being apart of a team. Playing lacrosse consumed a good part of my life during the months of January, February, March, April, May and June. However, I was in the best shape and I had amazing time management skills. (This photo is actually from 10th grade but I wanted to group it with the lacrosse ones).
PS. can you find me? 3rd in from the right, first row!

This was in 8th grade at Hershey Park with my friend Molly. There was a summer where were obsessed with amusement parks. I still kinda am. Anyway, at this point, I knew I was "bigger" than most of my other friends but I was still young.

Last day of school 9th grade- yes, those are hipbones, believe it or not!! I drool over pictures of my stomach from high school. So depressing...

This was in Boca Raton, FL on a trip in 10th grade with my friends. It was probably one of the best vacations ever. Again, abs. Legs have ALWAYS been a problem area for me, as you can tell in this photo.

My junior year prom was so much fun. I think most of the reason it was so fun was because I loved the way I looked. Fabulous hair, makeup & dress (BCBG, favorite!) and I was still fairly in shape!

This was in Sea Isle City, NJ. My family and I (above-the girls) always used to go down the shore for a week in the summer. I loved it. We haven't these past few summers what with all of the weddings and other events going on. I miss it :( Anyway, this is a totally unflattering photo from this vacay but this, I think, was the beginning of my trip to hell. Yuck.

This was on my senior trip in Florida. Another awesome vacation. Disgusted.

This is Tom and I at XTU the summer before going away to college. I don't look so fat here. I actually like the way my arms look. Regardless, I'm so lucky to have Tom as my boyfriend. He knows how unhappy I am and as much as I hate to admit it to him, (you know the rule, confidence is the sexiest thing about a woman blah blah blah) it's definitely doing something to our relationship. He ensures me that he loves me no matter what and thinks that I'm beautiful always :)

SENIOR WEEK!!!! Arguably the best week of my entire life. If you could possibly ignore the extreme skankiness of this photo (we had a "white trash" theme night, this is not normal, promise!), you could see how happy I looked mainly because I looked good that whole week. I don't know how or why. I was tan, glowing, my hair was cooperating all week, hardly had to wear face makeup...it was just awesome. Anyway, I would never, ever, in a million years, think to put that on my body looking how I look at this moment. EVER.

This was at my cousin, Valerie's, BEAUTIFUL wedding in August 2008. It was such a great time and I loved every minute of being a bridesmaid :D Pictured above is me, my cousin-in-law Nicola, the bride, my cousin Marissa, and my sister Noelle. I am obviously the biggest. Boo Hoo.

absofreakinglutely disgusting. My sister, Noelle lost like 20 pounds just by eating healthier and WALKING while I gained like 20 pounds just by eating and sitting on my butt. This picture is gross because in our defense, we had no time to get ready for this wedding. Except I know I'd look a lot better if I were 20 pounds thinner!

This was my first night back at school my sophomore year. I don't HATE the way I look, but I can definitely say I wouldn't put that dress back on. I don't know why I don't have any pictures from freshman year. But, it doesn't matter because I just got fat anyway :)

And this was me a few weeks ago. I actually like this picture but that's probably because Aubree set the contrast high, haha.

OKAY, I'm done with the pictures for now!

The point is, I need to lose weight. No question about it. There should be NO reason why I can't have my body back. My theory is that I should only get better :)

It is NOT cool that I don't even want to buy clothes anymore because I don't like how I look in them. I want to wear jeans and a tight tank top without worrying about my love handles spilling over. I want to be able to feel completely COMFORTABLE. That's the main thing.

Bed time. More later.

18 February 2010


It's Thursday and I don't have classes tomorrow so it's technically the last day before my weekend but good lord, today is already dragging on. I have a seriously huge test at 2 that I am not one bit ready for. I've decided to skip my 11-1215 class because 1) I have no time to shower, and 2) I should probably study some more. Oh AND I hate that class: Art History. Yuck. To top it off, I have to go to a viewing of an hour + long SILENT movie for my American Pop Culture class. Super. BUT then me and the girls are going to Buca di Beppo tonight for dinner. Yay!! At the least, I can get excited about that!
I can hear one of the building's fire alarms going off. It's so annoying. My roommate is also snoring...very funny. It is so cold in my room, I want to cry!
I've been doing OK at logging my food. Last night I didn't come home from the library until 2 AM (when it closes, haha) and my stomach hurt so bad from starvation that I had to make myself a quick snack. So what did I decide on? A half cup of freakin rice. I was too hungry for a granola bar and didn't feel like making all of the noise cereal makes and since my roommate was sleeping and has 8 AM classes, I thought it would be a little rude to make even more sound than I probably already was. So, that was bad. Oh and at like 630, I had a bagel with cream cheese :( :( I suck. And I haven't worked out since...Monday? Although I did run 25 minutes without stopping at a speed of 5.8-6.2 That felt good.
Alexa (my psychology partner :D) just texted me saying class is cancelled! PERFECT. We had a stupid paper due today (a letter to King Tut) and I emailed my professor at 930 telling her I couldnt make it today but attached the assignment so I wouldn't feel guilty. But now I REALLY don't feel guilty! Funny how things work out.
That's my motto. Things will all work out. I don't want it to seem like an excuse, though. I always used to go by "everything happens for a reason," (still kind of do) but Lindsay always told me it was a stupid excuse people made up when things went wrong. I can see that point of view, but sometimes I do think things really do happen for a reason. I know religion is a touchy subject, but I have lost belief in "God." I never really knew anything about "Him," except that that's how my parents were raised and that's what I was taught all my life. I'd say "oh my god," and my mom would say "are you praying?" I was given crosses as jewelry for Christmas and birthdays. We never religiously went to church, I never went to more than 2 CCDs, never received communion or was confirmed. I think after a while, my mom gave up on the Catholic church. And I'm glad she did. I'm surprised because she was brought up in a strict Roman Catholic Italian environment. ANYWAY, to me, there is no image of a higher power. I don't see a heaven or a hell, especially. I don't see a guy watching over all of us, controlling what happens. I do believe in faith, but that faith is not in any type of organized religion.
WOW, probably just wrote way too much about that. Oh well. I'm off to study my butt off :( Hmm...wouldn't that be nice--literally studying my butt off ;)
xxx lea

04 February 2010

Here We Go Again

It's been almost a month since I've been back at school and all my healthy aspirations were left at home, too :( I am ashamed and very upset but I NEED to lose weight. Not even that, I just need to be and feel healthy. I've been looking at pictures from high school (when I was active and on the Lacrosse team), and goddammit, I was in shape. Why would I ever want to go downhill. I will not let my prime be sophomore year in high school.
This morning, I woke up at 830 to finish up and print a quick essay. I was finished by 9 and then I realized I didn't have class til 11. I pondered going upstairs to the gym but by the time I actually had the motivation to get out of bed, it was 930 and that didn't leave me enough time to get up there, come back and shower, and be ready to leave for class. Instead, I grabbed my roommates weights and did a very small workout from Fitnessista's winter shape-up plan. Except, I don't have all the equipment and got bored after one circuit, so I stopped. I hate working out by myself. I wish I was back at my OWN gym working out with Deed (dianedoesntdiet.blogspot.com).
I did start a food log on Monday, so I guess that's a start. Didn't do toooo bad the first day but yesterday kinda sucked. I had like 5 oreos and frozen yogurt from Sprinkles. My old roommate, Casey, came to visit so we went out to Sprinkles like old times. So, in my defense, it was a special occasion :)
I'm giving myself two cheat meals a week. A trainer at the gym (I also work there) told me she has about 3 cheats a week- pizza, something fried, etc. I figure if I completely quit eating junk cold turkey, I'll crave it too much and go buck-wild one of these days. I don't want to do that. I'm going to also work out AT LEAST 3x a week. This would be an everyday thing if I didn't go to school, but I do, so I'm going to do my best to get in as many workouts that I can. I'll give myself 3 months. I don't want to set any unrealistic goals with numbers attached to them because I actually want to accomplish something and not feel like I failed. My only requirement is that I end up feeling HEALTHY and full of good energy. :D I'm excited!!
All for now.

30 December 2009

NEW YEAR...now what?

It's official, I am the world's worst blogger :) Quick recap- [not so] "Gentle Pilates" class Monday morning which was really good. I was definitely sore the next morning for my 2nd spin class. I wasn't crazy about the music the instructor played except at the end she played "O Saya" from Slumdog Millionaire and I really liked when she came up to us individually and forced us to sprint. Got 21.8 miles in so I felt gooood. Then me and Deed sat in the sauna for some time. I love the sauna. I feel so rejuvenated when I'm in there, like all the negative bits inside me are being sweat out at a rapid pace. It's wonderful!

New Years Eve SUCKS. It's hardly ever fun for us youngn's under the age of 21. Only one more holiday to suffer through then you better believe I'll be out at a bar every one after that! I still don't know what I'm doing... Mom might by the family Wii so maybe I'll just stay home and play that!! Sounds good to me :D

My New Year's Resolution: LOSE WEIGHT. Original, I know. All I want is to be comfortable with my body. I need to stop eating so much bread and I need to run, run, run. My sister's getting married possibly this summer so I really need to get down to business!!
All for now,

22 December 2009

Today has been somewhat productive so far. I didn't get to bed last night til around 2 am. Tom and I went to dinner (spaghetti primavera...the lightest pasta on the menu!!) and to the mall. We only really hit a few stores- Williams Sonoma, Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, etc. We ended up sitting on a bench people-watching for about an hour. I enjoyed it. We then came back to my house and watched Taken. Good movie, kinda makes me never wanna travel again haha.
But...good news!! After the gym the other day, Diane and I went grocery shopping. I didn't get too much. I wanted to get a feel for what I like and the prices ($$$$$) of things before I went all out. I got cinn. raisin Ezekial bread and oh em gee, so delicious!! By far my favorite purchased item, among these others:
-almond butter
-peanut butter
-fresh salsa
-carrot cake mix (tom's favorite cake)
...don't remember the rest, but you get the idea. I'm hoping my next paycheck will be able to support this hopeful healthy eating binge. Or the fact that I spent way too much on Christmas gifts. I couldn't decide what to get Tom's parents, so we decided we'd each make a donation in each others parent's names. Except I have no idea how to go about doing that or what cause I want to donate to. There is so many.

Haven't eaten yet today and it's 11:30 already. I'll probably go downstairs and throw a piece of my new favorite bread in the toaster for breakfast. I hate when I don't eat when I get up because then my whole meal schedule is thrown off.

That's all for now

18 December 2009

I've been tagged!!

Um so I don't really know the protocol for these things...but I guess they're random facts? Thanks deeder!!
1. I wish I never stopped playing lacrosse. When you're on a team, there is pretty much no excuse not to be in shape.
2. My tv is usually always turned to HGTV. Favorite show= HOUSE HUNTERS!
3. One day I hope to be able to afford all the skincare and beauty products a girl could ever dream of!
4. I don't know how to blog. How do I get followers and how do I add pictures?
5. STILL not done Christmas shopping. Boyfriends are so difficult.
6. I work at a gym and I think the problem is that I work too much to workout there. Who smells a rotten excuse? shameful :(
7. I'm broke but I pretend to have money.

I'm so amusing...not. I just got home from work not too long ago. It was kinda slow, a typical friday night. Tomorrow will probably be even slowerrrrr because of all the expected snow. Not complaining, I'll bring a book and some clementines and I'll be good to go :) I'm super tired right now and it's only 1030. Granted, I do have to be up at the ass crack of dawn, but I feel like I've been way tired since I've been home. When I'm at school, I stay up until generally 1 am.
SO let's try to remember what I had to eat today:
Clementine (4) haha
Cheesecake Factory Nachos (1/2 plate)
Austin PB crackers

That's all, I think. WOW I really need to start eating meals. Those nachos probably covered by calorie count for the next week, haha. I couldn't help it...they're so delicious!! No workout today...shame on me, shame on me. I really gotta get into it. I suck. Leave me comments telling me how awful I am. PLEASE. Ok, bedtime :)
xxx lea